


I can't

by Glowing_dimp_as_an_ember



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Mortal AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 01:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8730289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glowing_dimp_as_an_ember/pseuds/Glowing_dimp_as_an_ember
Summary: He wished things had gone differently, that he had had the chance to pronounce what he had been trying to, for a rather long time, in the way he had initially wanted to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully this is somewhere near decent... (Feel free to tell me what you think)

The chilling winter air stabbed his chest with frozen daggers, making the knots on his stomach worse without any mercy whatsoever, finding apparent joy in his weak emotional state. His mood always suffered a dark turn on that time of the year, when new born flowers wilted as they lost their battled against the weather’s cold commands, when only a little green, always mixed with a grayish white, could be seen even if one were to walk for miles and miles nonstop.

The black haired passed a hand through his hair, some locks of hair twisting themselves around his fingers, seemingly attracted to the numbness of his skin, product of him only being able to find one of his dark winter gloves, its pair probably resting under the growing pile of the dirty laundry that only seemed to multiply, and at a rather fast pace, as he haven’t found the energy nor the will to solve one of the problems that did anything but stop growing.

He clapped his hands together, both, in an attempt to bring some warmth to attach the freezing breeze that had started to crush his bones, whitening his knuckles in an unhealthy way in the process and to force himself to feel anything else than the cold numbness he had been experiencing for the last couple of weeks. The brown eyed let his glance wander around the area, it wasn’t quite different front the other places he had previously stopped by. The air was as frozen; the snow, as dull; the plants, as lifeless; the environment, as silent…The grayish and wore off stones, affected in a painful way by all the time they had been left alone, where they had always been standing.

He remembered the time, now so long ago from his point of view, when he would find himself describing the white season as his favorite part of the year, seeing it as the end of something but with the final objective of soon starting something new. But that changed, experiences molded his character, decisions and objects of liking. The black haired knew that it wasn’t winter’s fault but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t partially blame it on it along with any possible deity that might exist, serves them right for finding fun on his distress.

The boy of black clothing, which was something people around him had gotten used to once again, unconsciously reached for the left pocket of his old jacket, his fingers carefully looking for the small circle like figure that he knew was resting oblivious to anything, mindlessly enjoying the ride it had been on for a considerable amount of time.

He stopped in front of the similar scenario he had been going to for weeks, he was sure he could walk there on his sleep if his body were to answer to his own commands, It was incredible how little his surroundings seemed to change, it was as if they were stuck in time, an eternal loop that silently mocked him.

And in the middle of it all, there was the other. The cold hadn’t affected him like the brown eyed had expected to, no snow seemed to have grabbed onto him while he wasn’t there, melted drops of water being the only ones that had stuck around to his sides.

“Hey” He said softly once the distance between them had shortened, a little but hesitant side smile adorning his features. “Sorry I’m late, I went to grab something and it took longer than what I had originally planned.”

The black haired got a small leathery bag out of his pocket, completely sealed, and unopened, since the time it was handed out to him that initially uneventful morning. He recalled that particular scene, he had been nervous and hopeful, anxious as he considered possible outcomes, both negatives and positives, which kept constantly replaying on his mind. He had wanted everything to go perfectly but he should have been already used to things not going according to plan.

“I’ve been preparing this for a while…” He spoke slowly, biting the inside of his cheek as he made a short pause, trying to calm his nervousness, his eyes fixed where the other was. He could do this, it couldn’t be that hard, a lot of people said that getting it out of his chest would help him to feel better, having things like those locked inside one’s brain was not really a smart move, especially according to his sister. He took a deep breath before actually finding the strength to go on with his speech. “One would think that I would be less nervous after all those times in front of the bathroom mirror feeling ridiculous but…apparently that’s not the case.” The brown eyed tried to say as casually as possible, an uneasy chuckle escaping his lips. _You can do it_ , he told himself, _you need to do it_. And so he went on. “I… You’ve been there for me when I needed you, and I would want to believe I’ve been there for you too when you felt like giving up. I know I have quite a difficult character, but don’t play innocent though, you can be a stubborn as me, Solace. Anyway, I’m getting off the point, I can say how dramatic you are at another occasion. Remember that one time when we just looked at the stars at the balcony of our department on New Year’s Eve? How you mentioned that you would like us to have a future together? Well, you got me thinking. I want that too, maybe I never said it out loud, not until now, but I do. What… What I’m trying to say is…” The black haired closed his eyes for a couple of seconds as he took a golden ring, elegantly made, with a shiny bluish crystal incrusted on the very center. He found himself imagining Will’s expression, his smile and probably a soft blush on his cheeks, making the freckles of his face pop out, attracting attention to them. He couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes just yet though, he knew that if he did all the courage he had been storing would immediately leave him. He finally asked the question he had been wondering if he should do for the past couple of months.  “W-Will you marry me?”

The black haired hesitantly opened his eyes, no answer coming yet, the tightness of his chest not having left so far despite everything. His brown irises started welling up with tears, drops of salty water that he could feel slowly streaming down his face as his legs gave up, not being able to sustain his weight much longer. He held onto the offered ring as a lifeguard, not letting go off it even when his fingers were shaking in a way that didn’t seemed humanly possible. He wasn’t sure why he had thought something would change, after all that happened…there were things that just couldn’t be solved, no matter how much one would want to.

“I know it doesn’t change anything, b-but…” He whispered quietly under his breath, low enough so not even the air could have the opportunity to hear the whimpers that interrupted the spoken syllables nor the broken sobs that made his words almost incompressible.  “But I thought you deserved to know…”

He wished things had gone differently, that he had had the chance to pronounce what he had been trying to, for a rather long time, in the way he had initially wanted to: in the beach where they had the short vacation the other had insisted they needed, he was right, of course, not that Nico would have told him that straight to the face, at sunset, shortly before the day and night collided, when the sky was painted on that particular shad of orange that the blond enjoyed so much and that made his hair appear to be a shiny golden. It should have been that way, he had wanted it to be how he had planned and he was sure the blue eyed would have liked it that way, but life had different plans as he didn’t get to do that said trip, instead he found himself on an hospital room….for the exact same reason for why he was not proposing how he wanted to, where he wanted to…but in an empty graveyard where no one could hear his cries.

Well, at least he couldn’t see it, no one else could. He wasn’t aware that, sat in the gray stone in front of him, there had been a ghostly young looking man, whose transparent skin was almost as brilliant as his yellowish hair. A piercing pair of baby blue eyes were staring at the kneeled figure, who was trembling and shaking in agony of the pain that couldn’t be healed as a normal wound, a sad smile on his face, pained by the fact that nothing that he said could ever reach the other’s ears.

“I’m sorry…” The blond whispered even though he knew for a fact that even if someone were to possibly catch a word of what he was saying, it would be confused by the whistling of the wind, calm, mysterious and quiet. “I can’t marry you.”

**Author's Note:**

> [I'm also on tumblr](http://glowing-dimp-as-an-ember.tumblr.com/)


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